


make a wish on our sorry little hearts

by novaks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:19:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3683106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novaks/pseuds/novaks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, this reminds me of that movie," Cas says, squinting at the roads in front of him.</p><p>"Movie?" Sometimes he forgets that now Cas knows all about movies and books and stories in general, like Cas said himself.</p><p>"<i>The Notebook</i>. That one with the couple that lies down on the crossroad," Cas keeps looking straight ahead like he's trying to remember the scene, which is sort of scary since Cas should remember everything, "and then a car comes and almost hits them."</p>
            </blockquote>





	make a wish on our sorry little hearts

They are outside a diner in the middle of Topeka, stomachs full with the burgers they just had, and Dean is feeling a little anxious. Probably because he doesn't wanna go back to the bunker, where Sam is probably doing research. The type of research he doesn't want Dean to know. Mostly he doesn't mind, as long as Sam doesn't drag him around each time he _thinks_ he found something, wasting the time they could spend hunting and actually helping people and feeding this hope Dean was trying really hard to keep close to non-existent.

It would also mean Cas had to leave and he didn't wanna think about that. Even if the other option is Cas sticking around, close to Dean. Close to someone who could hurt and kil--

No, he is not thinking about that.

It's been only two days since they got home and Dean is already feeling that itch under his skin, but he doesn't even dare talk to Sam about looking for another hunt. Not yet. He has to pretend every time he kills this itch doesn't come back faster and stronger and he can't fucking wait to kill again.

And again.

And again. And again.

At some point during the day he thought it was a good idea to go out have burgers with Cas - who wasn't one to say no to this kind of thing, burgers or spending time with Dean in general -, and when Cas agreed he didn't think about his new policy of staying as far away from Cas as possible. He didn't think about how much he wanted this to be how they spent all their Friday nights. Or how much it  _did_ look like a date, sitting across from Cas, ordering for both of them, generally talking about nothing and simply enjoying each other's company.

He is not thinking about a lot of things lately.

"I had a really great time, Dean," Cas says, taking Dean away from his thoughts, "I wish we could do that more often, but..."

"I know, Cas," Dean replies, smiling sadly. "Me and Sam, we're always busy hunting and you're always busy, you know..." Dean tilts his head and presses his lips together, looking away, "doing your own thing."

When he looks back at Cas he's staring right back at him with those sad eyes Dean is so used to look at by now. Instead of saying anything, he looks at the road in front of them.

There's an intersection, with traffic lights facing the four different directions. There're no cars on the street at this hour, which Dean thinks is sometime close to midnight, so it's really silent if you're not counting the sounds coming from inside the diner. There's a gas station across the street, empty, but the lights of the convenience store are still on. It's mostly a housing neighborhood, far from the main road, and Dean found out about this diner on the internet, because you seriously can't find a good place to eat anywhere in Lebanon, so he had to put some effort into it.

"You know, this reminds me of that movie," Cas says, squinting at the roads in front of him.

"Movie?" Sometimes he forgets that now Cas knows all about movies and books and  _stories in general_ , like Cas said himself.

" _The Notebook_. That one with the couple that lies down on the crossroad," Cas keeps looking straight ahead like he's trying to remember the scene, which is sort of scary since Cas should remember everything, "and then a car comes and almost hits them."

"I know that movie," he says in a tone that implies _everyone_ knows it. Dean can't stop himself from thinking of Metatron watching the movie. He's pretty sure the asshole didn't cry. "So, what? Are you thinking about lying down on the road, Cas?"

Of course he doesn't mean what he says. Sure, it's late and the road is empty but he doesn't want Cas lying down on it. What if a drunk driver comes running and something happens? What's he supposed to fucking do then?

It's not that surprising when Cas takes a step toward the intersection without even looking for the road.

"Are you serious?!" Dean screams at him from the sidewalk, "This is not a fucking movie, Cas!"

"No, it's not. But I'm an angel, Dean. Or did you forget that?" Cas says right before he sits and then lies down, facing the night sky.

Being honest, Dean doesn't even know how powerful Cas is at this moment or if he could stop a car coming towards him at 60mi/h. What he knows is that, if this is supposed to happen, he's not gonna stand there and watch.

"Fuck it," he says under his breath and starts walking towards Cas. The asshole has a half-smile on his face, like he knew Dean was gonna come. "If we die, this is all your fault," Dean points a finger at him and lowers himself, trying not to thinking about all the germs he's probably touching right now.

 "I can't believe we're doing this," Dean tries to make himself comfortable but, as it happens, the road is too hard on his back and he's not 20 years old anymore.

"Shhh," Cas replies, still looking at the sky, "Can you hear it?"

"No, Cas, I can't." There's absolutely nothing to hear - thank God, he's still worried about those damn cars -, unless Cas is talking about the diner, which he's pretty sure he's not. 

"Yes, you _can_. Just listen carefully." Before Dean can even open his mouth to reply Cas says again, "Can you hear it?"

"Cas, I swear to God, if you don't start making sense right now--"

And then Cas' hand is on his mouth - which, gross, that hand was touching the floor a second ago - and he's whispering next to his ear, "The wind, Dean."

Well, now that he mentioned it, he can hear the sound of the wind on the trees and shaking the traffic lights above them. He can hear what he thinks are bats flying somewhere nearby. And now that he's paying attention he can smell the nature too, mixed with gas from the gas station, but it's not an unpleasant smell. He likes the smell of gas and he likes the smell of nature.

"So," Cas says, removing his hand from his mouth, "cool, right?" And then Dean finally looks at him.

Cas is looking at him with a tiny smile on his face, and while his eyes are lit up they also look sad. He's also really close. It's been years and the guy still don't know what personal space is. Not that Dean minds. In fact, he regrets ever complaining about it because now all he wants to say is _please don't leave my side, please don't stop touching me, please just close this goddamn distance already_.

"Yeah, Cas," he says, looking at his eyes, "that was cool."

They stare at each other for a few moments until Dean forces himself to look away. At the stars.

"The stars are also really cool," he says, "My dad once taught me the name of a few, but the stars are not that easy to identify, you know?" He probably doesn't. Cas was there when they named the constellations. He has, what, 10.000 years worth of knowledge? A few stars shouldn't be hard to remember.

He's surprised when he feels Cas' hand on his, pulling it up until he has his index finger pointing at a group of stars right above them. 

"Can you see those three stars? The brightest ones?" And fuck, he's whispering right on his ear again and it's sort of distracting but Dean nods anyway. "They are part of the Orion constellation, which is one of the most recognizable ones, especially because of these three stars," Cas pauses and shifts. Dean can feel his gaze on him. "Many cultures around the world have a mythology around Orion, but in ancient Aram, nephilim was the name of Orion's descendants." 

At this, Dean looks at him. God, he could listen to Cas talking about the stars for decades, until there're no more stars to talk about.

"Most cultures don't call them Orion at all, thought," Cas looks up again, "Mostly they are called The Three Kings, The Three Sisters or The Three Marys." Cas stops abruptly. "It's probably boring, I'm sorry."

"It's not." Cas meets his eyes. "Sometimes it's easy to forget you've been around for a long time," Dean says instead of _sometimes it's easy to forget you're not human like me._

_Or like I was._

"You don't have to be around for a long time to know these things, Dean," Cas points out, looking away.

"I know," Dean looks away too.

He notices they're still holding hands.

And Dean so desperately wishes they were just a couple lying on the road talking about the stars and the wind. Like the people from the movie. Like the people from the diner, the gas station and the houses around them. But the moment they go back home everything will be the same, Cas will leave, Dean will still feel the itch and those seem like such small details but they're things they just can't work around.

Dean pretends he didn't notice Cas interlaced their fingers if this is what it takes to hold him a little bit longer.

"What would you want to be," Dean starts, "if you could be anything?"

"Like objects?" 

"Like if you had the chance to be, I don't know, a teacher, an astronaut, a fricking engineer, who would you be?" He feels Cas tense next to him and he starts to wonder why he chooses the worst things to ask because _really, Dean? The guy probably just want to be an angel in peace and you're making him uncomfortable suggesting these human things._

Just as he's opening his mouth to tell Cas to forget it he says, "I think I'd like to be a doctor, or a veterinarian, or... I'd like to save humans, animals, plants, lives in general. Even if I fail miserably most of the time, I guess that's what I mostly try to do now."

And Dean can't even look at him because he's pretty sure he'd just end up kissing him after everything he just said. Who talks about saving plants? Cas does. And he loves Cas, God, he loves Cas so mu--

"What about you, Dean?" 

It's funny because, as much as Dean doesn't see himself doing anything besides hunting, he likes thinking about what he'd do if he _could_ see himself doing anything else. Like he has to detach himself from it.

"I'd be a teacher," he nods to himself, "Maybe fix some cars on the weekend. I think most people expect me to say I'd like to be a mechanic since I love cars so much, but,' he shrugs, 'I'd like to help kids find their way, you know? Sam once said the first person who told him he didn't have to be a hunter was his teacher,' he pauses and thinks how much he wanted someone to say it to him all those years ago, 'When you're young sometimes all you need is someone to listen to you and I'd like be--you know." He cuts himself because this is getting so dumb. He never once told it to anyone and here he is, spilling his guts to Cas. Like he fucking deserves to talk about how he feels.

Cas squeezes his hand and says a very quiet, "I know."

Dean still doesn't look at him.

"You know, I don't know you but my back is fucking killing me and I'd like to get up now, may I?" He teases, even thought his back _is_ killing him and he'll be even worse tomorrow, but he knows very well that he would take any physical pain just to have more moments like this with Cas.

"Yeah, I think we should go," Cas says, letting go of his hand. He feels the absence like a punch in the gut.

He gets up and stands his arm for Cas to take, "C'mon, old man. I'm sure you're worse than I am."

The worst part of it all is that Cas does take longer than him to get up and he's pretty sure it's all because of that borrowed grace of his but he's not gonna mention it. Just like Cas doesn't mention how Dean holds the arm with the Mark most of the time.

And then they are walking towards the Impala, and Cas says something about how a car didn't hit them, and Dean thinks of that song that talks about being hit by a bus and truck, and how fucking heavenly it would be to actually _live_ besides Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> title from the all time low song "a love like war".
> 
> all the things cas says about orion i got from wikipedia, so if something is not accurate please let me know. also if there're any mistakes so i can fix them :)


End file.
